Am I a ghost? Do ghosts sleep? I don’t remember losing consciousness since you killed me. I don’t remember being aware of every moment, though, either. I remember brief glimpses and short scenes, but I can’t seem to remember any sort of timeline, or anything that happened in between. I have noticed the times I become aware are times when you do things that cause a great emotional reaction in you. When you killed me, you had so much hate in you. When you were cleaning up afterward you were full of tremendous anger. At some point afterwards, you experienced great pain when somebody bashed you over the head with a beer bottle. I “woke up,” and realized you were in a bar. (By the way, that’s what you get for drinking so much. After killing me.) I wish I could have been the one to cause you that pain.
The woman you were standing next to when you experienced that pain shivered. She looked around trying to find the cause of her sudden chill. She looked straight at me and then screamed. I looked around as well and found I was “standing” within an inch of her when she shivered. That tells me I can be felt. I can be noticed. But apparently only when you’re in pain. Or under great emotional stress. I can use this information. I am on my way to finding out how to pay you retribution for my murder.
I don’t know if everyone who dies a violent death has this same experience. Is this the only way I can be noticed? The instant you stabbed me through the heart must have been my initiation. Was that a defining moment? Did that excruciating pain, horror, and shock combine to define what I would feel, see, and know for the rest of eternity? There must be a connection because I have not seen or felt anything else since my death. If you’ve been happy or contented or in an otherwise positive state of mind, I’ve had no knowledge of it. One thing I do know is that I can effect things when you experience pain. I must learn what else I can do when you experience pain. And then I must cause you more pain so I can do what I need to do to sever my connection with you.
I refuse to let you have so much power over the rest of my eternity.