For the last three years you’ve been haunting me. I wonder what I could have done or what I should have done or what could have been done differently so that our story would have been different. After a few months, I started to feel like I could continue with life. A few months later, I felt like there wasn’t much reason left for me to be here. Each time I felt that, I thought of Little Bit (She loves when I call her that!) She needed me. I tried to stay strong and confident and bulletproof for her.
At the two-year mark, I thought I would be ok. Then Deimos died. What was he thinking leaving me like that?? Well, he had stayed around for two full years to make sure I would keep my mental sanity. Then, just like all living things, he had to leave. And took another piece of my soul with him. But he helped me as long as he could.
Few months after that, Little Bit decided to move back where she came from. And took another piece of my soul with her. Although I know it was good for her to get back to her family, she left me here. And I wasn’t able to take care of her anymore. Or buy her socks and towels and drop them off. Or take her to dinner. Or hug her and cry while we thought of you. But I know she did what was best for her. And I had no reason to try to keep her from that.
And then I met someone who made me feel like maybe, just maybe, there was something I still had to give. And live for. And enjoy. I have to be honest, I was really really feeling alone. Still do, but it’s not as bad now. And he’s funny. And quirky. And sometimes reminds me a lot of you. So much so, in fact, that when he did something silly awhile ago, I yelled at you. Well, called him you. HA!
Today, you made me smile. I remember how I was always calling you to help me find my way around town. You were good at it, too. Then you left and I had to figure it out on my own. Well, I have figured out a lot of my way around by now. I was driving by where we used to live and hadn’t been able to bring myself to drive by where you used to work until today. I almost forgot how to get around that area of town, but remembered. And I thought of you. I said, “Thank you, Dave!” And smiled.